fail

Here is a quick little msn convo I had with someone from a dating website...

*** says:
hey

Laura says:
hey whats up

*** says:
not too much you?

Laura says:
nothing much i should really get some laundry started

*** says:
boring
wanna come out later to watch the game?

Laura says:
im not into hockey or baseball
or which ever game your referring to
sorry darling

*** says:
i know its not really a sweet date but it would make my day
its playoffs darlin
k nevermind

Laura says:
sorry not really into hockey
thats very sweet of you to say tho

*** says:
baseball is gay by the way

Laura says:
my brother loves it....

*** says:
sweet
well if yu want you can take me to a jays game

healthy

So I'm a single lady and like most singles I've ventured to online dating.
Most of my friends have moved out of the city and have either settled down or have conflicting schedules so it's totally hard to go out to meet potential suitors.

Anyways needless to say I have been out on a few dates.
Some are okay, some ended up as a possible friendship, but I'm not here to talk about those. Let's face it, the terrible ones are the best ones.

I meet one guy at a restaurant and everything seems to be okay except I feel nothing.
No worries, these things happen. Trial and error right?

We talk about whatever people talk about on their first encounters until our dinner comes to a close. I excuse my self to use the facilities and come back to find him on his phone.
He does not put the phone away, instead tells me about how these girls on this dating site message him all the time.
Nice.
After a few more minutes of him checking his emails from other girls I tell him that dinner was nice and perhaps we should ask for the bill.

The bill comes, he pays, then he tells me that he isn't ready to go home just yet.
I suggest to go out for coffee even though I really want to get the hell out of there.
My nice side wins.

We go out for coffee.
He tells me about how he moved to the other side of the country with an ex, she cheated on him, he beat the shit out of the guy she cheated on him with, trashed the place, took his dog and drove home in one sitting.
He was so angry!

He tells me more about how he tried to get things back in order by sometimes working out. All while checking his phone several more times for emails from other girls.
Then comes the finale...
The guy tells me out of the blue
"I pee neon green. It means I'm healthy from all the vitamins I take."

Needless to say this date was called promptly over.


First dates are like interviews. Trying to impress, nerves get the better of you and no one gets to see your true self.

But shit... no one likes to hear about your body functions...

pretty

I was watching American Gangster the other night. I forgot how much I liked this song.

blow me

So last week this older "gentleman"came into our shop.

I noticed he had a shit load of gel in his hair and I had told him that I would have to shampoo it out before I cut his hair.

His response...

"I'll come back another day"

I told him it would literally take one minute and that the sinks were right beside us and it was included in the price.

I managed to wash and cut his hair.

After the cut I used my hair drier to remove any loose hairs.

I grabbed some gel to throw back in his hair when he barked out at me

"There is still hair all over my face. You are suppose to use the hair drier to remove that."

So i wipe off the gel that I'm holding to grab my hair drier to remove the FOUR pieces of white hair on his forehead.

I throw gel in his hair which apparently wasn't adequate enough for his liking so he started to glop it on himself.

I met with him at the cash only to have him tell me that i was "unprofessional" because their was hair on his sweater that I did not blow off with my hair drier.

He shook his head like a miserable old man muttering obscenities.

Blow me.